You can mail me at:
zhuangxuefang@yahoo.com
zhuangxuefang@yahoo.com
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Bituwin - image
Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster,to give you a future and a hope.
31 Mar 2007
Leave me alone
Tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. A huge knife went through my heart. I hate myself behaving such a manner. It really sux. A huge chunk of my heart came off. I am what i am. I dont wish to hide my feelings and emotions.
"As long as you are happy with him, he treats you well, that all matters." That is what i said coldly to hui. A huge gap formed in the bottle of kinship whom i have guarded very dearly. I know that i am really childish behaving such a manner. I really know. But i cant stop feeling that way.i looked at her, " You deserve a better man"
I saw my bus coming, i told them that i will be boarding it. It is different from my usual routine, i would usually take the same bus with hui. Simple reason, just want to hang out with her for a longer time to chat and chill out. Listening to a mei's "bei zai shang kou sa yan". I really feel that she has ripped a huge part of my heart and applied a huge amount of salt. OUCH. The wound is really raw.
I am not a les. Just that i treat some of my frens like my family members. What i want for them is the best. Jy was a good eg. If she wasnt my dearest fren, i wouldnt be so pissed over her ex who is not treating her well. I wouldnt have been so bothered and angered. I even gave her cold shoulder. She knows that i need to cool down, but i did explain and told her everything what i feel and do. She accepted it and knows that i am like and we are back as gluey relationship.
I called jy on the bus. I sms her that i am pissed that i need someone to talk to. " hui has a bf. She has been dating for 6 months. I am the last one to know. I feel like an idoit. I was so concern over her, thought of putting her under a blind date. (a bit over zealous lah) I really feel like a clown. Really sux feeling. I hate this freaking attitude of mine"
JY:" she is not wrong at all. She knows that you really hate that guy. You even swear him at your blog, criticizing him at such level. What do you expect her to do?"
Me: " i know that i am always the extreme. i dont like him is that he dont respect others, especially to gf's fren. then that means that everyone already suspects and has been asking her, she can sort of give clues? then what am i to her? i celebrate anniversary with her yesterday leh. i sincerely hopes that she gets a good catch leh. i really feel fucking idoit clown behaving in that way lor" she really hides her lie infront me very well hor.wtf.i am really angry !!!"
Jy: " what!? you celebrate annivesary with her? how come i dont have? you hor..really bias one leh...aiya, you cannot blame her. she has own reasons to do so. you know it. you have to undestand."
me" i know i did that to her b4. i have no right to behave or do so. but i feel like a fucking clown. i hate deceit. i hate people who cheats me. especially when the dearest hands me something that i hate it. i really hate myself behaving that way lor.
jy: " you did tell her that after 6 months that then inform you what. so she is not at fault wat"
xf: " ya. everything is my fault. is me myself dig a hole. i deserve it. why should i be so bothered. after all is her life.i need to cool down. stay away from her. but the problem is that i am meeting her for her bday, 17th "
jy: " ermh.... you say that you are just against her bf. come on, i know you so long. you said that you are not angry with her, but when you see her, doesnt it reminds you of the thing that she does to you..say you "dui shi bu dui ren" pi ah!
put it simply, if it was other guys, i will be very happy for her and hug her and say that yeah... you have got a good catch... i will even throw a party for her.. i would even lament that i am still so unlucky, haven get a good catch... suddenly thought of my sis mentioned one thing: " you shouldnt wait for hui to stay with you. coz she will confirm get married one." ya, this sentence has came true for the 1st half lor...
just leave me alone...i am really very fragile liao... family, studies have already drain me completely.. i dont want any more blows liao... huge huge crack on the bottle... it really hurts.... really... i am in such a state that i have no answers for myself, such erratic mood. can i yell stop? wish that i can lose my memory so that i wont have to face anything... maybe the gypsy is right, we will have a long long cold war because of men... and it came true...watever... i just want to withdrawn from everything... i want to study and work out everyday and numb myself from everything.. this is the only 2 things that i feel secure..
"As long as you are happy with him, he treats you well, that all matters." That is what i said coldly to hui. A huge gap formed in the bottle of kinship whom i have guarded very dearly. I know that i am really childish behaving such a manner. I really know. But i cant stop feeling that way.i looked at her, " You deserve a better man"
I saw my bus coming, i told them that i will be boarding it. It is different from my usual routine, i would usually take the same bus with hui. Simple reason, just want to hang out with her for a longer time to chat and chill out. Listening to a mei's "bei zai shang kou sa yan". I really feel that she has ripped a huge part of my heart and applied a huge amount of salt. OUCH. The wound is really raw.
I am not a les. Just that i treat some of my frens like my family members. What i want for them is the best. Jy was a good eg. If she wasnt my dearest fren, i wouldnt be so pissed over her ex who is not treating her well. I wouldnt have been so bothered and angered. I even gave her cold shoulder. She knows that i need to cool down, but i did explain and told her everything what i feel and do. She accepted it and knows that i am like and we are back as gluey relationship.
I called jy on the bus. I sms her that i am pissed that i need someone to talk to. " hui has a bf. She has been dating for 6 months. I am the last one to know. I feel like an idoit. I was so concern over her, thought of putting her under a blind date. (a bit over zealous lah) I really feel like a clown. Really sux feeling. I hate this freaking attitude of mine"
JY:" she is not wrong at all. She knows that you really hate that guy. You even swear him at your blog, criticizing him at such level. What do you expect her to do?"
Me: " i know that i am always the extreme. i dont like him is that he dont respect others, especially to gf's fren. then that means that everyone already suspects and has been asking her, she can sort of give clues? then what am i to her? i celebrate anniversary with her yesterday leh. i sincerely hopes that she gets a good catch leh. i really feel fucking idoit clown behaving in that way lor" she really hides her lie infront me very well hor.wtf.i am really angry !!!"
Jy: " what!? you celebrate annivesary with her? how come i dont have? you hor..really bias one leh...aiya, you cannot blame her. she has own reasons to do so. you know it. you have to undestand."
me" i know i did that to her b4. i have no right to behave or do so. but i feel like a fucking clown. i hate deceit. i hate people who cheats me. especially when the dearest hands me something that i hate it. i really hate myself behaving that way lor.
jy: " you did tell her that after 6 months that then inform you what. so she is not at fault wat"
xf: " ya. everything is my fault. is me myself dig a hole. i deserve it. why should i be so bothered. after all is her life.i need to cool down. stay away from her. but the problem is that i am meeting her for her bday, 17th "
jy: " ermh.... you say that you are just against her bf. come on, i know you so long. you said that you are not angry with her, but when you see her, doesnt it reminds you of the thing that she does to you..say you "dui shi bu dui ren" pi ah!
put it simply, if it was other guys, i will be very happy for her and hug her and say that yeah... you have got a good catch... i will even throw a party for her.. i would even lament that i am still so unlucky, haven get a good catch... suddenly thought of my sis mentioned one thing: " you shouldnt wait for hui to stay with you. coz she will confirm get married one." ya, this sentence has came true for the 1st half lor...
just leave me alone...i am really very fragile liao... family, studies have already drain me completely.. i dont want any more blows liao... huge huge crack on the bottle... it really hurts.... really... i am in such a state that i have no answers for myself, such erratic mood. can i yell stop? wish that i can lose my memory so that i wont have to face anything... maybe the gypsy is right, we will have a long long cold war because of men... and it came true...watever... i just want to withdrawn from everything... i want to study and work out everyday and numb myself from everything.. this is the only 2 things that i feel secure..