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Oh hello. I am Xuefang and I am 25. Chocolates and coffee and novels are my favorite things.

You can mail me at:
zhuangxuefang@yahoo.com


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Bituwin - image

Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster,to give you a future and a hope.

4 May 2007
Insecure

I have always been insecure about my looks and figure

Always think that i am an ugly, fat duckling

Society judge beauty as slim and slender

So i thought i need to be inclined in other ways

To compensate my inferiority

Yup, this short poem represents how i feel all this while. I thought i am slowly evolving into not so fat ugly duckling. This week was a sheer torture. I cannot visit gym at all. I feel so vulnerable. I sms to hui that my fats are going to explode, coz i have been gorging. She said that i am exaggerating.

Anyway, today i couldnt stand it anymore. I need to "blog" it out. I am now very very insecure, volatile , irritability. Everything seems so big. The area of focus seem so uncontrollable. I feel like biting heads off.

Haha. I think as the time draw near to my doomsday, my level of volatility gets to the boiling point. I just need to talk to my frens, vent it off then i will be ok. But not everyone is free or willing to bear it. I am also picky on choosing my targets. The feeling of that someone will make my day, distract me not to think. Nobody can accompany you forever. A phrase that runs in my brain.

But even so, i just need to chat. Hai. Maybe i asked too much. Maybe. I know there are others who are willing to offer a listening ear. But the feel is not there. Just at that moment, at the atmosphere, at the feeling, i just want that someone to be there to listen my crap, i listen to that person crap.

I will be so glad to hear other people's crap, at least i feel that i am not alone facing my own set of problems. Hai. Bedtime