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Bituwin - image

Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster,to give you a future and a hope.

Disappointment

This week has been a pretty tough case for me to crack. I think i have played too much with my neighbours' kids who have fallen sick. I was caught by their contagious cold and cough. Moreover, I have fallen sick with my period coming along to further wreck. I was cursing and swearing about it.

Not that i have been loafing around in the house, doing nothing. I have been doing household chores as well despite my illness.Morale pretty low and have been talking to my close buddies about it. I don't wish to fall into another round of depression. So i have been trying to maintain my swinging emotions and feelings. I know that i have a tendency to gorge as an excuse.

Finally, i typed out my resume on friday after recovering slightly from the bout of double attacks. I wanted to chat with sh, telling her about my events (even though it is the same stuff) and wanting to know hers as well. The thought of chatting perks me up slightly.

I smsed her to ask her to chat. There was no response from her. I thought that she might be busy at work. The moon is shining my butt. You should know the timing. I patiently waited. My patience runs thin, disappointment follows. As usual, i got the silent treatment.

I switched off my phone and went to bed. When i woke up, i saw her sms. The usual reply, she was exhausted after a day's work. A sense of dread comes along. Again? Hmmm. While i was waiting for ah lian's sms to ask me out, i was listening to the radio 933. The dee jay commented the weather was pretty hot and many people have fallen sick.

She said that show your concern to your frens and loved ones, reminding to consume water. My first thought was her. I smsed her, joking to her to drink more water or else her face turns into a desert. Again, no response. After that i went to meet ah lian for shopping and chatting session. Wj was still in bed, so she flew us aeroplane.

Ah lian was like a tower that shines my life. She advices me about my career path. I truly appreciate her. But somehow at the back of mind. I remembered sh. As far as i can remembered, what ever i faced, she would be first to know and give me advice. No matter how crappy it could be, i would want her to know. Somehow, the role is reversed. Ah lian becomes the first one to know my stuff.

Sh did mentioned that there might be one day that she may not be there for me. Hinting me? I wrote numerous poems about this fading frenship. Coz our paths are running differently. There are different demands from our lives. No matter how dearly i missed her, i seemed to be one chasing her. Asking her out. Trying to reach her. She seem so far away from me.

I am really getting tired. I looked at ah lian. I sighed. She was a very sweet fren. Despite her injury, she walked with me for freaking 5 hours. So i decided to take mrt with her, coz she did so much for me, listening to this gal who always complain and whines, treats me food. Money is not easy to earn, yet she pampers me like a little kid. I told her that once my 1st salary, i will give her a big treat.

Then on my way back, i called her. She didnt pick up the phone. I smsed her. No reply again.i was holding the letter tightly that i planned to send to sh. I did the mad thing again. I dropped at paya lebar. I walked to her flat and dropped it into her mail box. Hope that i dont drop at wrong one. I wondered why am i doing this silly stuff, trying to reach her? Then , i walked back from her flat to my flat. On my way, train of thoughts starts to form. I am really feeling the burn liao. Thinking about her stuff that she has give me, only makes me feel sadder.

Ppl may feel that i must be a les. I dont give a damn. My frens said that i asked for it. This fren is not treasuring you at all. Cant you see all the signals that she is sending? Those excuses that she give is so obvious. Why make yourself so hurt? She is simply throwing presents at you just to make herself feel better. Why treat yourself so bad? I shut from all these.Finally she smsed me after a very long time. During this time, i was making the present that i planned to give. I nearly wanted to dump into the dustbin in a fit of anger. But i simply held on to it.

Maybe after i finished making the present and passing to her, i would let go. Coz, after all, i feel that my persistance of wanting her to contribute frenship is only out to annoy her. She simply caught up with her work and love life. No matter how unwillingly i am, i have to silently accept it. Maybe. I just wish that i can finish it asap, coz it hurts my eyes and hands.

6/10/2007 08:26:00 am ·