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Bituwin - image

Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster,to give you a future and a hope.

My long time fren ,death

hmm yest i ate too much, well too much for my body i guess. I shall not talk about the amount of food that i consumed. But it was the bath that triggered my long time fren to popped out, that is the spirit of death.

While i was bathing, my heart started to race.I forget that it is actually very bad to bath straight after heavy meal. Bad sign. I couldnt breathe. Another bell starts to ring. I tried to distract myself by msn to xr. But my heart wrenches. It hurts like hell. It is like tidal waves, coming on recurring times. It has been a long time that i had it. Recently, i had it once, while i was with SH. The same pattern starts to form.

But i guess this time round, i played the fire too much. I got burnt. Pretty bad. I told xr i need to get off msn, coz i am starting to get breathless and my chest pains starts to intensify. I lied on the bed, a very bad feeling starts to formed in my head. The spirit of death seems so near to me. THis feeling was very familiar , not too long, about a year ago. I couldnt use words to explain it, but it felt really different, i feared that once i closed my eyes, i could never opened it again.

I tried to breathe but i had difficulty doing so, my whole body starts to feel cold. Damn, i called my sis to distract me. She could sense that i was breathless and she asked me whether i want to hung up and rest. I told her no. I need distraction, not to think of it. I asked her if i were to die ahead of her , how would she feel? a stupid question of mine.

I smsed sh, a goodbye note. Just in case. the first fren that i want to tell was her, even though she was at batam, even though that she might not have reception. I just don want any regrets. i forced myself to go to my bedroom. I lied on my bed, eyes wide opened. The pain subsided, but my fear intensifies.

Fear of death. My eyelids are getting heavy and i fell asleep. When i woke up today, i felt that i had earned another day. I survived it. But alas, the pain comes back. I was practically slipping in and out of coma. One moment i was awake, the next moment i was knocked out. pain woke me up. i smsed sh again to tell her that i am not going to work in such a state.

no response. hai. saw sk sms. she asked me out to play bb. ya right. as if i could do that. disappointed in sh's super slow response. cant she spend an overseas sms to just reply me back? hai. i scorned at her, saying that i think i would turn into a ghost and haunt her.
sometimes i really wonder is it her hp spoilt or she simply dont want to reply. truly disappointed. don want to think about it anymore. sadden by that thought.

it has been 2 days liao that my chest pain emerges and disappears. last time, it would only last for a day. bad sign. hai. let pray that i would lived to see 2008.time to rest.

12/30/2007 06:44:00 am ·