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Bituwin - image

Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster,to give you a future and a hope.

the F.A.T that my mom gives

F - Frustration

A- Anger

T - Torture

I can never ever fathom what is in her mind. I can never get along with her. UNless I lose all my senses, my sanity. UNless I lose my principles. UNless everything is in not order.

Whenever she is around, a stream of anger would surge. I always have something to pick on her. I would flare up like a huge , ferocious fire that is burning , like a ball of fire that surges high in the sky.

Whatever she does will never meet my expectations. Never. The inner voice is screaming out loud. I always want to fit into my fren's shoes. Guess that I can never fit. My mom is always the outstanding one.

There is a saying, the more you hate someone, the actual inner feeling reflects love. Perharps. The chains of past are still holding onto me, even though God is slowly releasing me. THe huge hatred fire, the taunting that she bestows on me in the childhood is still like a shadow.

Sick of her actions and words. I always clam up when she is around. I know I have to hold my tongue whenever I see her. I know I have to extinguish the fire whenever I see her unexplainable actions.

I am weary of complaining her. I ask God, why do I deserve this? Why is she my mom? The little girl in me is screaming with her shackles of past that is holding on her. Why? Is that a test for me to overcome?

If God can forgive me, why cant I forgive me? If GOd can overlook my flaws, my disobedience, why Cant I do the same? I smiled as I typed this thought out. I think GOd has provided the answers I want.

11/18/2008 07:27:00 pm ·